I have quite enjoyed watching my little ones grow; watching their facial expressions switch between glee and intrigue about the sights and sounds around them. The smallest things excite them. Sometimes I wish I could experience such simple joy as effortlessly as they do. There are moments though, when all this excitement does get overwhelming for them. And as they grow, their thinking and emotions also evolve in complexity. Today, I find this poses a profound challenge. With our schedules packed to the brim; the constant urgency, the scrambling to keep up with time; and the inevitable stress and anxiety that results from this rat race, spills over into our kids’ childhood, almost invisibly.
Recently, I was forced into this realisation. It was 9:00 am and my four year old had just woken up. She greeted us with a grumpy pout and any question posed to her was met with whiny cries that mimicked the effect of nails clawing over a chalkboard. She was already overwhelmed with frustration, irritation and anger at having to go through her basic morning routine of getting ready for school. Me prompting her for an explanation of what she was feeling did not yield much. I was astonished at her behaviour because I realised she was reacting the same way I do when I am stressed (except that the whining is replaced by heavy burdened frustrated sighs and irritated ‘tsks’). I was perturbed by the thought of how my kids would handle the stress that comes with responsibilities in their adult life if they were already evidently hassled before even reaching the age of five! I decided I had to do something about this, and then came my ‘aha’ moment. I needed to help her calm down. What better approach than to try out my new ‘great start to the day remedy ’ – Meditation. We needed to just ‘Cut through the noise!’ (Read previous post HERE).
My kids are little. It is unlikely that they would just lie down on a mat, shut their eyes and dismiss every thought at my instruction. So instead I decided to try something else out. I suggested my four year old, spend some time in the our balcony garden, listening to the water trickle over the rocks in our little DIY water body, spend some time with our plants, and listen for the sounds of the birds, animals, and the wind outside (1). I later asked her to tell me about it. I was pleasantly surprised to find that she had calmed down in a matter of 10 minutes and was so engrossed in the sights and sounds before her. When I called her in for her breakfast, she was cheerful, calm, chirpy and enthusiastic about her schooling session ahead as well.
From then on I decided to make it a point to encourage my little ones to spend some quiet time on their own, without their toys. As they are little I have had to find ways to help them relax without it being too structured, but also fun. Below are some meditative exercises that I have tried with my kids, should you wish to give them a try:
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A dedicated quiet space: Create a small space for your little (or big) one to have some quiet time. Keep this separate from their play area or bedroom ( so that their thoughts are not distracted by the clutter of their toys and belongings)
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Preferably create a space that allows them to connect with nature.
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Engage with them initially by playing a small game like ‘I-spy’ to get them to start thinking about the nature around them
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Help them engage their 5 senses with the ‘5 senses exercise’ (linked HERE) by guiding them through it
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Drift away on the clouds: Lay on the ground and look up at the clouds and together, try to spot different shapes and cloud formations
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Observe nature: Bird watching from your balcony or garden: Try to spot different types of birds
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Experience nature: If it is raining, have them spend at least 5 minutes listening to the pitter patter of the rain and end with playing ’The Rain Game’ (demonstrated on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pkSQqPpNAY).
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5 mins of quiet solitude: Dedicate some time (5 minutes) towards the end for absolute quiet time. If your kids are old enough you can leave them to be on their own for some quiet time in their quiet and safe space.
In conclusion, this small experience demonstrated that our little ones need a little quiet time everyday, just as we do. Their rapidly developing minds can often be filled with new thoughts, a growing imagination and new emotions that can sometimes be overwhelming (2). It also reaffirmed how extremely important it is for me as a parent to develop suitable skills and tools to deal with my own new challenges and emotions. Because, in truth, it is only in practice that these invaluable skills get passed down to our children (2). Additionally giving them some unstructured quiet time can help them develop the natural skills to effectively handle their thoughts and emotions (3).
References:
1: Beyer, K., Kaltenbach, A., Szabo, A., Bogar, S., Nieto, F. and Malecki, K., 2014. Exposure to Neighborhood Green Space and Mental Health: Evidence from the Survey of the Health of Wisconsin. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, [online] 11(3), pp.3453-3472. Available at: <https://www.researchgate.net/publication/261067691_Exposure_to_Neighborhood_Green_Space_and_Mental_Health_Evidence_from_the_Survey_of_the_Health_of_Wisconsin> [Accessed 7 September 2020].
2: Rosanbalm, K.D. and Murray, D.W., 2017. Promoting Self-Regulation In The First Five Years: A Practice Brief. OPRE Brief: 2017-79. [online] Washington, DC: Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, US. Department of Health and Human Services., p.4. Available at: <https://www.acf.hhs.gov/opre/resource/promoting-self-regulation-in-the-first-five-years-a-practice-brief> [Accessed 7 September 2020].
3: Zelazo, P. and Lyons, K., 2012. The Potential Benefits of Mindfulness Training in Early Childhood: A Developmental Social Cognitive Neuroscience Perspective. Child Development Perspectives, 6(2), pp.154-160.
Have you got some practices that help your kids relax? I would love to hear about them! Please do share in the comments section below.
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